"Abstaining from bad things does not make you radical and it does not make you transformational; the only thing it does is make you a snob. " I think you are right. I totally remember being told, that I was "being watched everywhere I went, by everyone," and that "non-Christians were watching me constantly to decide whether Jesus was worth following.and whether or not I believed by a demonstration of my witness in everything" I never thought about it at the time, but that is a whole lot of pressure to heap onto a 16 year-old. I mean it's bad enough just to be a teenager with all of the pressures and guilt and shame and disappointments and frustrations (half the time you are praying that no one "saw that," but then you are telling the 16 year old, "yeah, well now we are going to put a magnifying glass on you and watch everything you do, and not just us... EVERYONE" So what does an enterprising teenager do that wants to make everyone happy and who wants to feel good around church adults, they begin to create a Christian personality separate from their own. This is how it starts, and usually by the time they are adults, they have a classic split personality that goes unnoticed by most Physiological practitioners because, the "patient" is full-aware of it, and is using their condition as a coping mechanism, and it seems to work pretty good for them, until they begin to value things like "authenticity" and "transparency" -- then they have a problem.

lol - I just realized that I categorized this post wrong, this is not about gender equality, but about orientation-equality.... heh - does it make more sense in those terms?

Nice read Kaitlin. It takes me back to when I was first married to my wife, way back in 19... Well it was a few years ago now, She was 17, and I had just turned 20. We had no other reason to be married at the time except that i was in the military and was being stationed hundreds of miles away and we really wanted to be together. All of our friends and family were against it, but we did it anyway (eloped). My income back in 1986 was 600 bucks a month, and no the cost of living was not THAT much different back then. We lived in a 200 dollar a month apartment all bills paid, and ate a lot of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. At the time we lived in Mississippi and my family and hers was in Texas, so all we had was each other, no money and well, each other. It was awesome. I think you are right that when a young couple is forced to live together in such a way it creates a sort of concrete bond -- or kills both of them in some way. For us, it was a bond that would take us through the hardest times around years 5, 7, 10 and 14. Tenacity is somehow sewn in the bones from these experiences. Looking back, you are also correct, we wouldn't have had it any other way. Thanks again for the post. It brings back some good memories. Like the times that I taught her how to drive in a crappy old truck with a three speed shifter on the floor and a motor that was too big and too powerful to ease off the clutch going up and down some crazy hills leading up to dangerous busy intersections. :)

I would have to admit that i do really love my little community and wouldn't trade it for the world, but I also understand that not everyone has the option to attend a community like mine that loves me as I am and encourages me to be... me. I do understand being in a place where there is no church or community that supports you and allows you to flourish as a person and a follower of Jesus, as opposed to a place that stifles you and holds you down. I would not wish that kind of community on my worst enemy. I would encourage you to keep looking. There are a few Presbyterian churches out there in Spokane that seem interesting, but after a thorough search of the web I haven't found a huge listing of churches that look open and friendly and accepting and loving. many of them seem like what we have here in Albany, traditional and kind of... old... and well more concerned about their programs then their people. Of course that was just a glance. I do also recommend joining some internet communities of folks that will support you and listen to you and read your stuff and look at your pictures. One that i have found to be an asset for me is the Outlaw Preachers (which is not just for preachers). You can find their group on Facebook (just search for "Outlaw Preachers"), just join it and begin sharing with all of us. We have a wonderful get together each year. Also, you should check out the TransForm Network here: http://www.transformnetwork.org/group/uspacificnorthwest I am also part of this network and it is for churches that kind of don't fit in elsewhere. They too have regular get togethers, conferences, etc. Of course these are the networks I am currently involved in that give me the most support as a person and a pastor. You are welcome to each and consider this a personal invitation. :) I hope you find a good community to share your spirituality with where you are. Don't stop looking. :) Again, maybe the answer is not found in a traditional church setting. :)

Oh, you didn't say anything about Carolyn's performance.. what do you think?