Because you didn’t close your letter with a name I’ll assume your name is ironically, Joy.
As someone who has struggled with depression or sometimes a lack of happiness, perhaps, you’d allow me to share my ‘answers’ so far? Perhaps, the ‘how’ could be something as simple as identifying meaning behind your word choice and/or a transition in vocabulary (it works for me sometimes)? I’ve found doubt or unknowing a necessary ingredient of any journey i’m willing to fully experience. I’ve found doubt or mystery essential and inherent in a life of following God. I’ve found there is a slight but important difference between Doubt and Fear. I’ve found Faith less about Knowing or having Answers and more about Trusting and discovering Beauty. I’ve found when I used the word Doubt when I really mean Fear i’m not Trusting and I lose Joy.
_Sincerely,
A.j

p.s. I look forward to hearing your further thoughts.

Hey Joy… Great post.
I’m a ‘doubter’ myself in regards to a number of issues, so I can definitely relate to feeling like an outsider. Sometimes, I keep the doubts to myself in order to fit in, other times I don’t bother saying anything because I feel I can’t adequately explain my viewpoint.
The thing that helped me get past some of my doubts, those that I considered the most important to resolve, came about when I read Mere Christianity by CS Lewis. Reading Lewis taught me two primary things: 1) it was ok to have doubts and questions, to have beliefs that didn’t toe the line with the status quo on every issue, and 2) that the resurrection of Jesus was historically verifiable based on logical evidence (eg, willingness of eyewitnesses to die rather than deny the resurrection – if you link to my blog here, you’ll find my post on that.) Basically, my belief in the resurrection is my ‘tether’ – no matter how far outside I wander on those doubting tangents (and I still do), I’ve got a lifeline that keeps me attached to the Body as a whole, and I find reassurance in that.
I will do my best to never “scold, rebuke or pound on” anyone for having doubts because, truth be told, I think it’s critical to maintain some level of doubt if we are to keep our faith fresh and vibrant. If everything is easy, comfortable, with no questions, are we really living by faith, or just accepting the status quo? When we struggle with doubts, when we question our beliefs because they don’t fit in, but we still do our best to follow Jesus, it’s then that I think we are truly walking in faith. You might think that you are “out there”, Joy, but the truth is you are a woman of great faith, even when it doesn’t feel like it.

I wish I could tell you the key to getting in, but I do not seem to have it either. It seems to me, though, that those who struggle and doubt have a more authentic and deeper faith walk because at the end of the day, we still choose Jesus despite all the challenges and obstacles. I also believe that you will one day find all the answers that you seek. I just cannot tell you when.

<3

Henri Nouwen speculated whether the Lord’s phrase, “You of Little Faith” wasn’t actually a kind of endearing nickname, more like, “Oh, You Little-Faiths!” We’ve never heard the tone in His voice as he said those words, but I’ll bet it was playful. How often we miss the plain fact that Jesus was followed not by the certain, but by the hungry. Hunger trumps certainty.

I suspect we do not need “directions, a map, the secret word, a key, the keypad code” or a “something” of any kind. We need a Someone to walk with us. Grace to you, and Peace.

What a heartfelt and helpful piece. Thanks for expressing this so personally. I am one who, for no reason I feel I can take any credit for, has never really struggled with doubt, but I find myself surrounded by those who do. It’s not that I always believed, I didn’t come to faith until adulthood. But my unbelief came from lack of knowledge. When I heard the Gospel, I responded. I still had little knowledge, but rather than “doubt” I felt “uniformed.” If anything, I doubted myself. While I’m grateful for my lack of doubt (because I don’t know if I could handle it personally), I’m also grateful for the doubters in my life. They spur me on. They also keep my humble for all the times I just don’t have adequate answers. I am guilty of at times feeling like it’s “their fault” for “holding-on” to doubt, and perhaps even “cherishing it.” So thank you for helping me see that.
Yet I do feel that there are subcultures in the the church where doubt it to some degree given honor it doesn’t deserve, where those of us who don’t struggle with it almost feel like we’re being less than honest. To express doubt can sometimes be a used as a way of inflating ones own intellectualism. I also don’t feel that’s helpful, and at that point it’s probably not even honest. I don’t feel doubt is anything to be proud of. I ALSO don’t think FAITH is anything to be proud of though. Both are part of the experience of seeking and knowing God. In fact, I think a healthy community has both.

Hi Joy. A friend posted your entry on his blog and so I found my way here. I heard a quote from an unknown author which said: We start our Spiritual journey with DOUBT in our faith, but as we mature, we develop FAITH in our doubt. I like that.

I love this post. Thank you.